Requiem for a Dream
by Inks Inc
Summary: When a piece of Gibbs' past becomes his compulsive present, he forgets that he has a team, a family. With a potentially catastrophic fallout. Ducky, his oldest and most trusted friend, wants to know why. And he's going to find out, one way or the other. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

He quickly but gently shut the aged and precious lunchbox when the stealthy stride of footsteps caught the corners of his sharp ears. Breathing out slowly and getting himself together, he placed the box into a trunk at his feet and promptly shut the lid. There were just some things he wasn't willing to share with anyone and that was one of them. That had been one of the last things her little hands had touched, her little heart had loved. Turning on his heel, he felt tiredness stab at him as he opened his mouth. He usually had a strict open door, physically and metaphorically, policy. But tonight…he just needed to be by his damned self. "DiNozzo, no offence but I'm not really in the mood for a v-"

"Not young Anthony, Jethro. Merely myself and my shadows."

Feeling his heart sink, Gibbs reached behind him and pulled a chord that filled the dusky basement with a thin light. Ducky took full advantage of the sudden vision and clambered down the rest of the stairs quickly. He shook his head when Gibbs reached up for a mason jar and there was something about the line of the man's mouth that let the agent know this wasn't a social call. His heart sunk even further. "What can I do for ya, Duck?" he asked casually, hoping his old friend would sense his tone and save him the agony of an unwanted counselling session. He knew the man just wanted to make him feel better, to mother him as he did, but he just didn't have the stomach for it. He'd sit and allow Duck to coddle him tomorrow, but not tonight.

When the doctor opened his mouth he found the urge to stem the onslaught before it even started, irresistible. The trick with Ducky's well meaning psycho-analysis sessions were to stop them before they could gain any traction. "Look, I appreciate you coming round here to see how I am. But I'm fine and I don't need to talk about anything, alright? I'm all good. There's no need to coddle me, I'm-" A sudden and very decisive snort of derision caught him off and he stared.

"Is that really why you think I am here?"

Gibbs stared for a moment more, suddenly confused by the hard look in Ducky's eyes.

"Well… yeah? You always drop by after there's been a tough day, seeing how I am…"

The hard look suddenly became glacial and Gibbs' confusion sky rocketed.

"Duck, what's the-"

"I am not here Jethro, to fluff your pillows and make sure you don't develop a nasty cough. Nor am I here to tend to the perfectly impenetrable maze that is your mental health. I am here on quite a contrary mission. Which is merely to find out just _what_ you think gives you the right to be such a selfish, irresponsible… I'm afraid you'll have to forgive my language, but such a selfish, irresponsible _arsehole?"_

Gibbs' jaw dropped as he stared at the sudden tongues of anger flaming in the doctor's eyes.

He swallowed and did his very best to find something intelligent to say.

He failed the intelligence test miserably and went with a more caveman like dialect.

" _Huh?"_

…

A/N: I've had a few requests to cover the Requiem episode and I also found it a pretty interesting one! There'll be no CP in this cos' I just can't agree with many other authors/readers that Ducky and Gibbs' relationship would suit it. Going to go down a different road instead! Hope you enjoy. Just be a two or three chapter one, not a long fic! – Inks

…..


	2. Chapter 2

Ducky's nostrils flared. Gibbs' complete and utter confusion was like a musky maroon rag to a very refined British bull. His trademark spectacles seemed to steam over with his ire as his friend continued to gape none too impressively in his direction. "Huh?" the Doctor repeated. "That is what you have to say Jethro? A very splendid _huh?_ That is the sum total of your verbiage in the face of your own narcissistic god complex?" Gibbs tilted his head sharply to the right, reminding Ducky very much of his mother's most frustrating Corgi.

"That's a lot of really big words there, Duck. You're going to have to use some cliff notes for me."

"To go with the self destructive cliff diving you continually embark upon?"

Gibbs blinked.

"I've never been cliff diving in my life. You know how my knee gets." Ducky wasn't fond of the disdainful rolling of eyes as a social norm but he couldn't control himself. Throwing his eyes up to heaven he wondered, and not for the first time, how this friendship managed to be one of his longest. He and this man were as much chalk and cheese as young Anthony and Timothy were. He frowned. That was a bad comparison. Anthony and Timothy rubbed along quite nicely, whereas he in the current moment could quite happily strangle the infuriating man in front of him.

"Do you enjoy pretending to be quite so painfully dense?"

A silver brow was arched.

"Now you're just hurting my feelings, Duck. Why don't you just spit out that wasp you're chewing?"

The medical examiners temper flared once more. "That wasp Jethro is a buzzing representation of your selfish, self serving and downright self destructive behaviour. I won't waste your time with a lengthy preamble because frankly, I don't consider you worthy at the moment. You need to know in no uncertain terms the reach of your conduct. And as no one else is willing to risk being bitten in the quest to enlighten you, I will gladly take up the mantle."

He pulled himself up to his full and still rather adorable height.

"On today's actions alone, you are a selfish _arse_ Jethro. You shut us all out. All of us. In your quest, your very understandable quest, to secure young Maddie's safety. You refused to allow our assistance. You placed yourself in imminent and catastrophic danger. You nearly died, alongside Ms Tyler, and you nearly died because you did not trust your people enough to help you on a _personal_ matter. But for Anthony's heroism, you would be on my table right now. Abby would be sedated, naturally, unable to cope with your demise. Anthony and Timothy would blame themselves and self destruct and Ziva would not rest until her ability to remain in the US and build a new life was reduced to a smouldering pile of dreams. And it all would have been so very unnecessary. Had you organised the backup you _knew_ you needed and on any other operation, would have taken, today could have been so much different."

Sparks flew from his eyes as Gibbs stood stiffly in silence.

"It could have been so different. For example, I wouldn't have had to force feed Anthony a cocktail of medication to ensure the polluted, ice cold river water that doused his plague pocked lungs won't cause him any _more_ damage. Serious discomfort yes, but permanent damage, no. I note that you haven't even asked how he is, or visited him. I know you've not seen him because I've just come from his apartment where he his laid up on my orders in uncomfortable heat. That boy risked his own life to save yours and you're sitting here, in your dark, cold basement rather than with him. You have not even thanked the lad."

Gibbs paled all of a sudden, a deathly white and opened his mouth, but Ducky was not finished.

"I appreciate that you are not a man who has much patience with books, but allow me to educate you? Just for a moment. Anthony's lungs will never be the same again; the plague has stripped him of his natural protection there. He is susceptible. Do you understand? Filthy, freezing water forcing its way into those lungs can have serious, dangerous consequences. I appreciate that an unexpected dunk here and there is a job hazard for the lad. But you…Jethro, you are not supposed to be a hazard. You are the one that is supposed to protect them all from unnecessary hazards, not become one yourself. Anthony didn't need to take that plunge today, it shouldn't have been necessary. He should have been on your right side, as he always is. Timothy and Ziva too. But you were proud for that, weren't you? Too much of an alpha male. You were going to protect Maddie all by yourself and to hell or high water with your team."

"Duck-"

"And instead of delivering that young lady to safety in a relatively unharmed capacity, she was plunged into icy waters. She also nearly died, alongside you and your ego. So that makes three. Three completely possible and utterly unnecessary deaths and all three of them entirely your fault. I understand Jethro, I understand. Maddie was Kelly's best friend. She's a living, breathing part of the present that represents the most important part of your past. I completely understand, as would anyone. There was absolutely no need or more importantly, no justification, for going…maverick, is the term I believe. None at all. I mean to say, I think we both know how it would be received if Timothy, Anthony or Ziva were to do something _equally_ moronic in the field."

"I wouldn't-"

"Do you know what I think is the most reprehensible aspect of your foolishness? The hypocrisy. You preach about the importance of loyalty and truthfulness. You've practically concussed young Anthony over the years as you've drummed that lesson into him, into them all. But that lesson is for them to follow, isn't it? You are too good for your own rules, is that it Jethro? You're the ruling class and your people the working class, is that really what you want your legacy to be? Because if you'd died today, that is exactly what it would have been. I can just see your autopsy report now."

He glared at the ashen Gibbs with a vigour that belied his age.

"Cause of death: Unnatural and prolonged fixture of deceased's head up deceased's own rectum."

Gibbs' eyes widened to saucers and he opened his mouth in shock.

But Ducky still wasn't finished.

"I don't want to hear it, Jethro. I simply do not want to hear it. You may be the prize rooster in your coop, but not with me. You do not get to glare and fob _me_ off with a growl and a grunt. I have known you much too long and much too well. Now, I did not come here simply to point out the glaringly obvious. I came here to help young Anthony, seeing as you seem to be otherwise preoccupied to do so off your own bat. We are leaving. Now, to be precise. And you are going to deflate that head of yours so that we can fit into my car and drive to Anthony's apartment. There, you can find the sensibility to _thank_ him for saving your life and _apologise_ for unnecessarily risking his."

Gibbs gaped.

"Duck-"

The M.E. was simply having none of it.

"This is not a negotiation Jethro. You are better than your conduct. Now prove it." Shaking his head slightly, Gibbs pulled his jacket from the nail on the wall and spread a hand to the stairs. His mind was whirling and reeling and he was finding it difficult to verbalise what he was feeling, not that that was anything new. He saw the rage in Ducky's eyes was as fierce as when he had entered and swallowed thickly. Sometimes….it took the people who knew your best side to show you your worst.

"After you."

…

TBC

…


	3. Chapter 3

Stumbling to the door with a wince, Tony felt his energy seep away as he crossed the short distance. Swinging open the door he felt his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Gibbs stood on the threshold with an odd mixture of embarrassment and apprehensiveness on his face, flanked by Ducky, who looked like he was about to announce the arrival of the Queen herself. Clearing his throat awkwardly, Tony inched the door open a little further. "Evening fellas, what can I do for you on this fine evening?" He didn't miss the loaded look that shot from Ducky's eyes, aimed directly at Gibbs' soul. Neither, apparently, did Gibbs. He coughed sharply. "Can I come in?" He shot a loaded look of his own back at Ducky. "Got something I need to talk to you about, _alone."_ If Tony was confused before it was nothing compared to how he felt now as Ducky nodded tartly and murmured a polite farewell, before parting with what was unmistakably some sort of warning glance.

Gibbs stalked into the apartment without another word.

Snapping the door shut quietly, Tony automatically extracted two beers from the fridge. Handing one to Gibbs who slumped down on the sofa, he sat on the adjacent armchair with a raised brow. "Not that I'm not thrilled with the house call Boss, but is everything ok? You look like you're about to pass the hell out." Twisting the cap off his beer and drinking deeply in search of Dutch courage, Gibbs grimaced. Picking at the bottles label, he took a moment to answer. "You know how I feel about apologies, right? You know what I think about them?" Snorting around his mouthful of beer and instantly regretting it as his chest twinged in protest, Tony nodded. "Well _yeah,_ Boss, you've made your thesis on apologising very clear over the years. Why do you ask?"

Gibbs swam in his own pull of guilt, barely treading water, as he frowned in thought.

"Well, I gotta break my own rule here, Tony, because I owe you one hell of an apology." He spoke over his protégés splutter of shock, needing to get the words out before his throat closed in upon him. He forced himself to look up at Tony, holding his gaze with difficulty. "We're a team. You're my right hand man. But I chose to ignore than when Maddie showed up. The minute I saw her, I knew I would do whatever it took to keep her safe and I let my arrogance tell me that the only to do that, was to go it alone. I shut you out, you all out. And as a result, you had to provide back up with your hands tied. You had to second guess my every move. And because of that, you had no back up to your back up. And because of that, you were the only one there to jump into a filthy, freezing cold river with a set of lungs that ain't all that, just to save my sorry ass, and Maddie's. And all of that could have been avoided if I'd just asked you for your help. If it'd been the other way round, I would have kicked your ass from here to Alaska. Now there's hypocrisy for ya."

He took a long draught, to the background of Tony's hanging mouthed stare.

"And then, to cap it all off, I didn't even come to see how you were after I cooled off and dried off. It didn't even _occur_ to me. I didn't even thank you. I didn't even think to thank you, I was so preoccupied with Maddie and how she was that I didn't even give you a second thought, even though you're the reason we're both alive. It took Ducky to medically remove my head from my ass so I could see straight again. And that's not something I can ever make up for, but I need ya to know Tony, I'm sorry. I…Kelly, and Shannon. Anything to do with them crops up and it's like I can't see five minutes in front of my face. I can't think of anything or anyone else. And it could have cost you your life and for that, I'm sorry. I really goddamned am." He took another long draught and shrugged his shoulders. "I guess that's all I can say. I know it ain't worth shit to you now, sitting there with the pain in your chest that you're trying to hide from me, but it's the best I got."

He cleared his throat and finished up with something he found hard as hell to say, but needed to say.

"All I can do is promise you that I'm gonna work on not getting so wrapped up in the family that I had, that I endanger the family I have. I barely survived losing Kelly, there's no way in hell I'd survive burying another one of my own." He looked up then, his eyes swimming with awkwardness. "I'm finished spilling my guts like a frigging Oprah special if you want to tell me to sling my hook and leave you in peace."

Tony stared, his mind imploding with the effort of understanding the miraculous event that had just unfolded before him. Swallowing deeply, he remained silent for a moment. He had been hurt as hell that Gibbs hadn't even called him to see how he was, let alone thank him for saving his skin, he couldn't deny that. But he had never in a million years expected an _apology_ from the man. Let alone one that wasn't monosyllabic and inaudible. Chewing his lip, he felt a sudden and impossible sadness for the loss that Gibbs had suffered. He rarely talked about his daughter but it didn't take a shrink to know that the Gibbs that had existed whilst Kelly had lived had died when she had died. So he could see how Maddie had put the blinkers on, had taken him back to a time when his daughter wasn't a cherished memory. Sitting silently, he knew what he had to do. What he wanted to do. He broke into a wide smile that said more than words ever could, and extended his arms graciously with his trademark wink.

"Jeez, Boss, who knew you were such a beautiful, beautiful soul? I'm so touched."

Gibbs snorted and grinned, knowing in that moment what Tony was trying to say.

"Aw shut it DiNozzo, you've always known I'm beautiful."

….

FIN

….


End file.
